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The reason I made a part of my page to
have my testimony, is because testimonies can be used to speak to peoples
hearts in ways other things cant. I recently re-wrote my testimony, with more
detail. Just to give everyone a better idea as to how Christ has changed my
life. Feel free to share this with your friends. E-mail me with any comments/question
you may have. Thanks so much.
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The first 12 years of my life I went to church. Both of my parents were
good people, and raised both my brother and I with Christian values. My mother
especially would express to me the importance of knowing Christ, and being
saved. At age 8 I went through a confirmation type class at the church we
attended. It was a Presbyterian church. This class was to teach us how to
get saved, what a personal relationship with Christ was, and what would happen
to us if we didn’t ask Jesus into our heart. So at age 8 I asked Jesus into
my heart. The only reason I was doing this though was because my mother wanted
me to. I really couldn’t comprehend what a personal relationship with Christ
was. I didn’t feel any different after I prayed the sinner’s prayer. It was
just something I did, to make mom happy. Nothing in my life changed from that
point on. I was exactly the same.
At age 12 I really began to hate church. I absolutely despised getting up
Sunday mornings, and getting all dressed up to go someplace I hated. The church
we attended was very big, and VERY fancy. Everyone there dressed really nice,
and was very rich. I didn’t feel comfortable there at all. So being the immature
teenager I was I told my mom I wasn’t going anymore. I was 12 years old,
and practically an adult in my mind. Which meant I didn’t have to go to church
if I didn’t want to. So I stopped going completely.
It wasn’t until I turned 15 that I went back to church. It was my first
year in high school, and I met a girl named Julie. Julie and I had a few
classes together, and within a few days of talking, we because great friends.
Well one day in health class, Julie asked me to come to her youth group.
I told her I would think about it. Well Wednesday night rolled around, and
for some strange reason I went! This was the first time in my life I had
ever gone to a Baptist church, and youth group. The youth pastors name was
Travis B.. He was such a nice guy. I don’t know exactly how to explain it,
but I just felt a real peace around him. He made me feel so welcome at this
youth group. For the first time in my life, I felt accepted some place. So
I started to come regularly to Idlewild Baptist’s Youth Group. I began to
make friends with a few students there, and with other members in the church.
I then began to not only come on Wednesday nights, but also on Sunday mornings.
After being there a few months I really started to wonder how it would feel
to be saved, and have the relationship Travis B. always talked about
with Jesus Christ. Well in 1997 Idlewild’s youth group went on a Ski-trip
to Boone, NC. I was invited to come, even though I wasn’t a member yet. Well
at this youth ski-trip we went to a conference. At this conference, the speakers,
and band members were constantly talking about having a personal relationship
with Christ. They talked about how you can ask Jesus into your heart, and
how we all need forgiveness. At the end of the conference the speaker gave
an invitation to anyone who wanted to ask Jesus into his or her heart. I really
wanted to do this! I wanted what they were talking about. Thing is… I was
scared to. I thought I was the ONLY one who wasn’t saved. So because of this…
I stayed in my seat, and just ignored what I was feeling. After we got back
from this camp I still wanted this relationship with Christ, but still was
scared to talk to anyone. About 4 months passed, and eventually I broke down.
I called up Travis Byrd at his house, around 2am, and just cried to him.
I cried, and cried and cried! I told him what was on my heart, and he led
me in the sinner’s prayer. Instantly after I prayed that prayer I had this
amazing feeling, a feeling of renewal, and peace. I felt like a new person!!
I was so excited to get into God’s word, and get to know God better. After
I did this I was baptized at Idlewild Baptist, and joined the church, at
age 15.
Like many new Christians though the devil began to use weaknesses in my
life, to bring me away from Christ. Less than 5 months after I got saved,
I began 10th grade. A lot of my friends had boyfriends, or girlfriends. This
made me feel like I needed one. I met this guy named John (Jin). This guy
wasn’t the most attractive guy, and definitely wasn’t a Christian. What I
liked though was that he showed me a type of attention no man had ever showed
me. He would write me sweet letters, and hug me… and I really liked that.
So about two weeks after meeting this guy he asked me out by the school cafeteria.
Of course I said yes, and less than two seconds after saying yes he gave me
my first real kiss. It wasn’t just a sweet peck either; this guy went full
out and kissed me like crazy! While he was doing this I was just thinking
in my mind “This is so gross…” I really hated it. Because I was his girlfriend
though, I felt I was suppose to like it, and if I didn’t I was to just to
go along with it. Because if I didn’t he would dump me… Well less than two
days after being this guys “girlfriend” he began to get very physical. We
would walk outside after lunch, and hangout behind the math halls. This area
was pretty deserted. Each day after lunch, we would walk back there, and John
would pin me against the brick walls. I mean just hold me against them. He
would then touch on me… under my shirt, and down the back of my pants. I
hated this! I felt so dirty… and I was so scared to say anything. Because
just like the kiss, I felt like I was suppose to let him do this, because
I was his girlfriend! This went on for 2 weeks or so. One day I finally got
fed up with how he was treating me. So while he was doing his regular routine
of touching I told him to stop. He gave me the most awful look, and told me
“If you tell me to stop again I will rape you.” This scared me to death! A
day or two more passed, and again I told him to stop. He then again said,
“If you tell me to stop I will rape you!” He didn’t end with just that though.
He then said “and kill you.” When he said that I had to tell someone. I was
scared for my life. So I told Travis Byrd, my youth pastor. Travis Byrd was
furious. He told me I need to comfort this guy (with a friend with me), and
let him know that my parents know, and others know. So if he were to even
speak to me again, the cops would be called. Travis Byrd was going to talk
to this guy himself, but I didn’t want him to. So the next day at school I
told John that if he touched me or talked to me he would be arrested. John
was 18 years old, so had I persecuted him, he had a chance of going to jail.
John did leave me alone after I told him this, but he did spread lots of nasty
rumors about me at school. He told all his friends how he had sex with me,
and so on. Which wasn’t true. I felt so dirty… and so ashamed.
Because of this relationship, the devil was able to draw me away from
my relationship with Christ. I wasn’t going to church regularly, and I wasn’t
reading my bible, or praying. I was actually pretty furious after all this.
I would think to myself “If God really loved me, then why would he let this
happen to me!” I was so mad at God. During the next few months after the whole
John issue I began to loose weight. I was starving myself, because I felt
so ugly, and just plain unattractive! I hated who I was. I lost at least
20 pounds, in a short amount of time. I then began to get sick. I was starting
to have cold sore breakouts in my mouth (5 to 10 at a time!); because my
body was lacking so much nurturance. I was having trouble standing up for
long periods of time. I would constantly get light headed, and was always
getting sick. To make things worst, I went to a peer support group for sexual
assault victims/rape victims. One of the girls in this group was a friend
of mine. I then found out this girl was raped by John (Jin) two weeks before
we started dating! I was basically this guy’s next target! I felt so stupid!
I eventually realize months later that it wasn’t God’s fault I went through
this stuff. It was my own personal choice to date John. It was my own personal
choice to starve myself. God didn’t in any way make me do these things. So
I asked for God’s forgiveness, and began to get my relationship with Christ
right again. (“My breather, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,
knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience
have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.
If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally
and without reproach, and it will be given to him.” – James 1:2-5)
I wish I could say my dating struggles ended there. Like always though the
Devil again tempted me with another relationship. At age 16 I met a guy named
Craig at my work. He was my assistant manager at a movie theater I worked.
Craig wasn’t a Christian, but I really liked him. He was cute, and a really
nice guy. So being the foolish person I was I started dating him. We dated
about three months. During this dating time Craig introduced me to alcohol.
I eventually began sneaking out of the house to hang out with this guy. It
didn’t take but a few weeks of this though for me to realize something wasn’t
right. God really began to convict me. So after three months of this I broke
things off with Craig. I felt bad, because he was in general a sweet guy,
and I could tell he really liked me. Thing is though, it wasn’t right. Not
only because I was doing all this sneaking out and drinking, but also because
Craig wasn’t a Christian. God clearly tells us in his word not to dating/marry
nonbelievers (“Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what
fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light
with darkness? … 2 Corinthians 6:14-18). I tried to tell Craig about Christ,
but he was completely against Christianity. A priest raped two of his nieces…
and because of this he felt Christians were all hypocrites, and nothing to
be looked at.
After I stopped dating Craig this is when my life really began to change.
I really began to get close to Christ. So close, that I no longer desired
a relationship with a guy. I became very active in church, and was growing
like a weed! I then began praying that God wouldn’t allow me to dating another
guy seriously, unless that man was to be my husband. I didn’t want another
silly relationship with a guy to get in the way of my relationship with Christ.
It was in the year 2000 that I met the person who would eventually be my
husband. This mans name was Travis. Travis was the youth interim for the summer
of 2000 at Idlewild Baptist. The instant I met him I was drawn to him! I
cant explain why either. He wasn’t at all the type of guy I had been attracted
to in the past, and he was so much older than me (6 years older). I really
didn’t get to know Travis that much while he was at Idlewild that summer.
Just because I was really shy. I did begin to really pray about my feelings
towards Travis. Because I had never had the type of feelings I was having
towards him ever before. Travis eventually left Idlewild, and went back to
Raleigh, NC to finish his Masters at Southeastern.
Travis and I kept in touch through the internet. It started off with short
e-mails once or twice a week, and eventually led to longer e-mails. God was
really using Travis through e-mail to help me. I was able to talk to Travis
about questions I had about the bible, and other spiritual things. Travis
and I then began to talk on instant messages. This is where our relationship
really started to get interesting. I especially was really starting to tell
Travis’ some feelings I had towards him. He would never come out and tell
me he felt the same. All he would ever say is how I was a sweet girl, and
will one day make a man very happy. Our talks progressed pretty rapidly. I
invited Travis to come visit Idlewild three times from Aug. of 2000 through
July of 2001. The first two times I invited him, something came up. The first
time a snow storm came through, and the 2nd time his grandfather died. So
I was really starting to get discouraged. I was starting to question seriously
if this was a possibility. Even though I had a lost of hope, I still prayed
for this relationship. I prayed that if this wasn’t meant to be that God would
reveal it to me. Travis and I stopped talking for about three months in the
spring of 2001. He just stopped replying to my e-mails, or instant messages.
I later found out he did this because he was starting to have feelings towards
me, but because of our age difference he thought it be best to hold off for
a little while. In July 2001 Travis came to visit Idlewild. I hadn’t seen
Travis for almost a year! From that visit on Travis and I began to get very
serious. He said I wasn’t the little girl he knew in the summer 2000. He
said I had matured not only physically, but spiritually. On August 31st, 2001
Travis and I went on our first date. We went on a day long trip to Boone,
NC.
Dating Travis wasn’t the easiest thing.
We lived 3 1\2 hours apart. So because of this distance our relationship progressed
quicker than most. Less than 9 months later Travis asked me to marry him
June 7th, 2001. Less than 7 months later we were married on Jan 4th, 2003.
My life since then has changed so much. I look back on my life in 1997 when
I first got saved, and I am just amazed at the work God has done in it. Nothing
in my life today would be the way it is, had it not been for the work God
did in my heart, and the lives of others. God used Julie to bring me to Idlewild
Baptist. God used Travis B. (my Youth pastor, not husband) to teach me, and
tell me of Christ. God used other adults in the church to keep me accountable,
and really minister to me. God has just blessed me so much!! In a song I sing
often at churches the lyrics say “And I too was once so lost, but I found
my way to God, and its my desire to live for Him! If you could see where
Jesus brought me from, to where I am today, then you’d know the reason why
I love him so! You can take this world, its wealth and its riches. I don’t
need earths power. For its my desire to live for Him.” I am so excited to
see how God grows me, and uses Travis & I.
“And this I pray, that your love may abound still more and more in knowledge
and all discernment, that you may approve the things that are excellent, that
you may be sincere and without offense till the day of Christ, being filled
with the fruits of righteousness which are by Jesus Christ, to the glory
and praise of God.” Philippians 1:9-11”
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